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For the first time in 25 years of watching Newsnight, not even during the bizarre Mark E. Smith interview last year, I heard the production team pissing themselves with laughter somewhere in the background.
On reflection, non British readers of this blog might not understand why this was so funny.
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How about today's Sun then ? Sitting in my brother David's café today, I perused his prodigious collection of newspapers and came across a cracking piece in The Sun. I've pasted a couple of extracts at the top of this blog.
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In response to this week's clarification of the law by the government, The Sun interviewed ex SAS man Andy McNab and produced an illustrated to guide to incapacitating and, if you play your cards right, killing burglars. I particularly enjoyed the lines 'You can stand on his neck or chest too' and 'Hit him with anything you can, even a table lamp'.
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Marvellous!
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Chatting with David about this story he mentioned an even better one from a few weeks back that I'd missed. Apparently, a nutritionist was complaining about the poor standards of food education in Britain today. As an example she mentioned the fact that she had met several low income families who, after being told that parents should feed their children the same food that they eat as soon as possible, had bought meals from McDonalds, blended them, then fed them to their babies. David swore that this was a straight-up article and not a spoof.
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Fantastic!
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On the walk home from the café this evening, I plotted my next money making scheme - 'Stef's Baby Meal Range'. Produced for the discerning white trash consumer, Stef's pureed Baby Meals would come in a selection of mouth-watering flavours …
I can just picture the cute little jars with bright, colourful pictures of smiling clowns on them. Tasting equally good hot or cold, the meals would require no preparation and could be warmed up by simply leaving them next to your mobile phone for a couple of minutes.
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But it doesn’t stop there. New ranges of foil-wrapped pet foods have hit the market in recent years; aimed at upwardly mobile pet owners who want to give their 'babies' something a little special. The generic varieties of old; 'fish', 'meat', or 'chicken', have now been replaced with the likes of 'Tiger Prawn and Spicy Chorizo' or 'Sezuan-style Quail and Partridge'.
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But no major manufacturer, not a single one, has targeted the chav pet food market. The potential is limitless; foil-wrapped chicken nugget kitty chunks, doners for dogs, bacardi breezers for budgies ...
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I'll be rich, rich I tell you!!!
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Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
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Ha! Ha!
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Ha!
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EXPLOSIONS BEGIN IN IRAQ
A Suicide bomber started voting off with a bang Saturday morning as the main airport and borders to Iraq are shut in order for people to vote under a lessened threat of violence. Sadly however they will receive a mark on their hand after they vote which will kind of give the game away.
CANNABIS LEADS TO MENTAL PROBLEMS
Studies have pointed out that smoking pot leads to depression, paranoia and other mental health problems. How astute.
BIG IN ALBANIA
The front page of The Sun today has an exclusive with the story of how the Albanian mafia have been plotting to kidnap Julian Clary. A rather curious choice/decision on their part I would imagine, especially in the light that most people’s reactions would be “keep him”.
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